Valduggery Oneshots
by RedIvySparrow
Summary: Basically what it says in the title... Enjoy, be sure to review, follow and favourite! :)
1. Warlocks and Vampires

**Hello my wonderful readers,**

 **Hi! I have a new story! Oneshots. Of Valduggery. And yeah... A few will be re-uploads from my 'Skulduggery Pleasant Shorts' - that will now be dedicated to Valduggery friendshippy stuff...**

 **Anyway, in this Valkyrie is about thirty or so, and her and Skulduggery are married. I suppose you could call it domestic Valduggery. Maybe. Kind of.**

 **So, I'm just going to upload a bunch together, so there probably won't be an authors note for some. Also, most of it I wrote when I didn't have a brain. Don't shoot me.**

 **Alrighty, I hope you enjoy, as always be sure to leave a review, follow and favourite if you like :)**

 **Love Cait xx**

* * *

Valkyrie ran.

She was tired. She was cold, and wet, and tired and in _so_ much pain but she kept going. To stop would mean death. Death wasn't exactly number one on her to-do list.

Nine vampires. Nine vampires and a bloody warlock. It was just her luck, of course. She'd been in the wrong place at the wrong time, as per bloody usual. She wanted to shoot something. Or _someone_.

"Update," Valkyrie called into her phone.

"Driving as fast as I can," came her partner's velvety voice.

"Well," she replied. "Drive faster."

"Remind me where you are?"

Valkyrie almost stopped in her tracks. Skulduggery wasn't saying anything. "You have to be kidding me. Pleasant, tell me you're joking right now."

"I'm joking."

"Yeah, now isn't the time."

"Right, yes. How many are there?"

"Ten in total. Nine vamps, one warlock."

"Any idea who it is?"

"I didn't exactly have time to check his ID," she snapped. "Too busy avoiding being eaten alive."

"Is he behind you?"

"No. Three of the vampires, don't know where the other ones are."

"Be careful," Skulduggery said.

Valkyrie sped up, rounding the corner and taking a sharp right. She ducked into a small, darker corridor while the other three ran on.

"Valkyrie?"

"Yes, _dear_?" she muttered.

"Be careful."

"I'm me," she said, stepping back into the main corridor. "Of course I will." If she was right about where they were, the vampires would be doubling back any moment now.

"That fails to bring me confidence."

"Just trust me," she said quietly as she jogged back the way she had come. She a scrabbling from around the corner and ran into the nearest room she saw.

"What's going on now?" Skulduggery asked.

"I'm hiding," Valkyrie hissed. "Now shut up, they'll hear us."

She pressed to the wall, closing her eyes and breathing out slowly. She heard the bounding stop, now much slower. There was a low growl. Valkyrie heard a noise from the next room over and opened her eyes. The steps got closer.

"They're getting closer," she breathed.

"Okay, just coming."

"Great, hurry up."

"I'm parking."

There was a moment of silence in which Valkyrie had to stop herself from burning her phone to a crisp. "Jesus Christ, leave it in the street!"

"I can't just leave it. It could get hurt."

"Yes, well so could your wife. Would you rather her or your car? Actually, don't answer that."

"I'm here," Skulduggery said. "Where are you?"

A growl came from right outside the door, and Valkyrie swallowed. "Eleventh floor," she whispered. "One of the offices, don't know which one."

"Okay. Stay where you are, and-"

There was a crash and Valkyrie cursed. "Not an option," she said as she jumped away from the wall. One of the vampires burst in and Valkyrie snapped out her free hand and lightening flew from her fingertips. It hit the vampire square in the chest and it shot backwards going through into the room on the other side of the corridor. "Well, that was easy," she said.

"From the sound of things, I'd advise moving," Skulduggery said.

"Yes, thank you for that." Valkyrie ran out of the room in time to see the vampire getting up. She turned left and sprinted, looking back as she ran. She cursed when she saw all three now bounding after her.

"What?" Skulduggery asked.

"I'm running," Valkyrie said.

"Good plan."

"Thanks. Where the bloody hell are _you_?"

"Coming, _love_."

Valkyrie scowled, taking another left. "That's grand, _dearest_. You might want to… I don't know… Speed up?"

"Currently fighting two at one time, _angel_."

"Well, I'm running from three. And you have a gun. Use it."

"But of course."

She heard four shots fired through the receiver.

"Are they dead?"

"Remind me why I married you?"

"Because you love me," she said. "Because I'm intelligent and beautiful and witty and _extremely_ modest."

"Yes yes, you're hilarious."

She grinned.

Valkyrie burst through a set of doors, coming to a stairwell. She started down, taking them three at a time. She placed one hand on the rail, shut her eyes, and vaulted over. Valkyrie fell, cursing when she thought about the height she was dropping from. She thrust her hand out and felt it close around metal. Her eyes snapped open, and she yelled out as her arm was nearly yanked from her socket. Valkyrie looked up, saw the vampires following her over. She took a breath, then let go of the rail and fell. Again.

She hit the ground and rolled, smacking straight into the wall.

"Owwww," she groaned. "Yeah, I'm on the bottom floor now." She stood on shaky legs. "Definitely on the bottom floor," she grunted. She picked up her phone.

"Valkyrie?"

"Hi, Skul."

"You okay?"

"Fine," she said. "Grand. Ribs hurt a bit, and, uh... Feeling a _little_ bit dizzy but... But... But apart from that..."

"Give me a moment." She hung up, jammed it into her back pocket and turned just as all three vampires landed silently before her.

Valkyrie raised her hand and the one on the left growled. She grimaced, then fired. The energy hit two of them, and those two flew back, going _through_ the wall behind. The other one leapt and Valkyrie ducked just in time. It flew over her, but twisted as it hit the wall, springing off it. The vampire landed on top of her, frantically clawing at her. She grunted, and heaved, and managed to roll it off her. She stood up again and it crashed into her, taking her through the double doors and into the lobby of the building. She pressed her hands on the vampire's chest and pushed, keeping the jaws away. They lit up and it flew backwards. She lay there for a few moments, then got up and turned, bumping straight into Skulduggery.

"Hi," she panted.

"Hello," he replied. "We should probably move."

"Yeah."

They ran through the room, bursting through the doors into the night sky.

"Question," Valkyrie said. "Where are the other ones?"

"Well-"

One vampire dropped down, landing in front of them. They skidded to a halt. Another dropped behind, two on either side. The three that Valkyrie had blasted through the wall came bounding out of the building and joined the others.

"There they are," Valkyrie said, beaming.

"So it would appear."

"There are seven of them."

"Yes, there are," Skulduggery replied, taking out his gun.

"You don't happen to have a spare?"

"Not on me."

"Great." Valkyrie glanced at him. "We've never fought seven at one time."

"We'll manage."

"Right…"

* * *

"This was easier than I thought it would be," Valkyrie said as she shot lightening at the last vampire. It fell to the ground and Valkyrie stalked over, held it down with her foot. It kicked and stuggled and snarled. "Gun." She caught the gun out of the air, and fired twice. The vampire went limp. She lowered the gun, and kicked it in the head for good measure.

"Speak for yourself," her husband grunted. She turned, smirked when she saw him lying, propped up by his elbows. "I'll have my gun back now."

Valkyrie grinned, and walked over. She sat next to him. "It's a really nice gun, you know."

"Gun."

"Really cool style…"

"Gun."

She laughed, and handed it to him. "You okay?" she asked.

"Never better," he said, sitting up. "There's still the warlock to round up."

"Give me a minute, I've just had the fight of my life!"

Skulduggery laughed. "Well done, by the way."

"Why, thank you."

"Nine vampires in twenty minutes."

"I am _brilliant_."

"Taught by the best."

"Yeah. Wreath's great, isn't he?"

"Bloody git," Skulduggery muttered.

Valkyrie laughed and kissed him. "You jealous, Pleasant?"

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Not anymore."

"Good."

"That would get annoying."

"You're already annoying."

"Charming."

"I know. But it's only sometimes, though."

"Am I annoying _now_?"

She smiled, and rested her head on his shoulder. "Nope," she said. "Now's a good moment."

"Now is."

Valkyrie sighed. "We should probably go and get the warlock."

"Probably," Skulduggery agreed.

"Are we _going_ to go and get the warlock?"

"Why ruin the moment?"

Valkyrie grinned, was about to say something when a stream of white energy sizzled the air above her head. The grin dropped, replaced by a glare. "You have _got_ to be bloody kidding me."


	2. Bringing Her Back

The sorcerers threw everything they had at Darquesse, and Darquesse killed every last one of them.

But that wasn't strictly true, was it?

Skulduggery Pleasant walked through the mess of blood and body parts, his hands in his pockets, whistling The Girl From Ipanema. That had always been one of his favourites. He got about two metres away, and stopped.

"Valkyrie," he started.

"Wrong," she said, in a bored tone. This wasn't boring of course. She was going to kill Valkyrie's partner. Technically he was more than a partner, to Valkyrie anyway. She didn't know what _he_ thought of that… idea.

"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Valkyrie."

"That's not possible. Valkyrie's busy."

"And what is she doing?"

"She's busy killing all of these people."

"No. You did that, not her."

"Wrong, again. We're the same person. Valkyrie is doing all of this just as much as I am. What do you think of that, Skully?"

"It's Skulduggery."

"Nope, Skully just sounds better, you know?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you, Darquesse."

"That's not a very good plan, Skully."

"Why is it not a very good plan?"

"Because I don't like people who disagree with me. And I kill people who I don't like."

Skulduggery sighed. "You won't be killing me."

"Why not?"

"Because Valkyrie is still there. She won't let you."

Darquesse laughed loudly. The sound echoed. "You say that like I need her permission."

"Of course you don't. But, while Valkyrie is still inside you, you can't kill me."

"I'm afraid I still don't understand."

"The thing is Darquesse, Valkyrie doesn't know these people. They don't mean anything to her. So while she may not like it, she can't actually do anything to stop you from killing them."

"But with you it's different, yes?"

"I'm glad you're seeing my point."

"I'm really not. So, you mean more than these people? Lovely. Valkyrie still can't stop me."

"Indeed. However, as much as you don't show it – you might not even realise it – I have just as much a meaning to you as I do to Valkyrie," he said smugly.

Darquesse's stomach fluttered. "That's the most ridiculous thing that anyone has ever said to me."

"It's not though, is it?"

"Want a bet?"

"Not particularly."

"Well there you go."

She raised her hand, ready to push at the air, knock his skull from his head, but found that she couldn't. He was right, goddammit.

"See?"

She glared at him. "Why are you so annoying?"

Skulduggery chuckled. _He actually chuckled._ "There you are, Valkyrie."

"Still Darquesse."

"But Valkyrie's poking through now, isn't she? She's getting harder to control."

"No."

"Right. I believe you."

She continued to glare. Skulduggery stepped towards her. She panicked. "Stop!"

He cocked his head at her. "Are you scared of me?"

"No."

"I think you're scared that I'll bring Valkyrie back. You should be, Darquesse."

Darquesse laughed. "Right! You're not getting Valkyrie back, Skulduggery, sorry to disappoint." She strode towards him, readying her magic to blast it through his skull. He just stood there, looking at her.

Then Skulduggery moved.

But instead of revealing a weapon, or even running, he tapped the symbols etched onto his collarbone. A false face flowed up over his skull. A pretty good one, all things considered.

 _Not as good as the skeleton though,_ she thought. Darquesse smirked as she felt Valkyrie fighting to get out.

The same high cheekbones, the same square jawline. Brown eyes, messy hair, late twentys. Nice, but not nice enough to be noticed while walking down the street. The perfect disguise. She paused two steps away from him.

"What are you doing?" asked Darquesse. He took another step forward.

"I'm getting Valkyrie back."

"Well you're not doing a very good-"

Skulduggery kissed her.

And Valkyrie kissed him back.

Explosions went off in her head, and her stomach did somersaults. She could feel Darquesse inside her, smirking. She shut that off, and concentrated on the one thing she had been hoping for for a decade.

They broke apart and Valkyrie smiled. Her eyes were watering, but she didn't care. Heck, she didn't even think about the tons of people she'd killed. "That was a nice plan."

"Oh, it wasn't a plan. I thought of it in the few seconds before you presumably were going to rip my head off."

"That was Darquesse."

"Right, sorry. I thought of it in the few seconds that Darquesse was about to rip my head off."

She laughed. "That's much better." Valkyrie felt a tear roll down her cheek and Skulduggery wiped it away.

"Are you okay?" he asked, serious now.

"I'm fine, I'm grand, and it's just, you know, we're standing in the middle of a slasher film." Valkyrie paused. "But much worse." She paused again. "And I'm the slasher."

"That was Darquesse."

She tilted her head – a habit she'd picked up off of him. "Are you using my words against me?"

"No, then it would be _you_ who was ripping my head off."

"Point taken."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"You don't have to be okay with it."

"Right."

"And if I say this, and you don't agree, then-"

Valkyrie laughed. "I love you too."

"Oh. Good."

They stood in silence for a minute, then Valkyrie asked a question.

"How long have you known?" she asked.

"About me loving you?"

"Yeah."

"Years now."

"Hm. Me too, when you think about it. I wonder how we didn't see it."

"I know."

"Tanith had mentioned it a few times, but I didn't really believe her."

He nodded. "I think we should go. We're standing next to a pile of… dead bodies and you're covered in blood."

"Yeah."

They walked to the Bentley.


	3. Gossip

Valkyrie scowled. "Jesus Tanith, I don't fancy Skulduggery!"

Tanith was grinning at her. "Yes you do."

She threw a cushion from one of China's library chairs. "I don't!"

"Look, Val it's fine! I know you're dating Fletcher and all,"

"Yeah, and I like Fletch!"

"I know you do! But, what I'm saying is, it's okay to, you know, keep an eye out, if you know what I mean..."

Valkyrie pulled a face and Tanith laughed. "Ew, no! I don't like Skulduggery, OK, we're just friends!"

China walked by. "What's this I hear?"

Tanith sniggered. "Val fancies Skulduggery."

China arched an elegant eyebrow and smiled. "Personally, I knew this would happen."

She glared at both of her friends. "I don't!"

It was true. Her and Skulduggery were partners and friends, nothing more.

Tanith and China laughed. The only time they weren't scratching each other's eyes out was when they were talking about this subject. Somehow, it seemed to drift into conversation more than was really necessary or indeed, more than Valkyrie was really comfortable with. And it wasn't just Tanith and China. It was Ghastly and Vex, even Shudder had brought it up.

Everyone just seemed desperate for gossip and she didn't know why.

Valkyrie shook her head and got up. She walked away. Tanith followed.

"I mean, you have to admit, it's kind of hard not to fall for him."

She spun. "I have not 'fallen' for him, okay?"

"Fine. Whatever you say..."

Tanith was quiet for all of three seconds.

"But you'd make such a cute couple!"

Valkyrie glared at her again. "I'm with Fletcher!"

"But even Davina Marr saw it, and she's as thick as," Tanith paused, "something really thick!"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and brushed passed Tanith.

Tanith was about to start taunting her again when Skulduggery rounded the corner.

Valkyrie smiled. "Thank god you're here! Finally someone with half a brain to talk to!"

Tanith snorted behind her, but not for the reason Skulduggery thought.

He chuckled. "I'm sure I have more than half a brain..."

"I can see your ego from here."

"Well, I would hope so, you're standing about 2 metres away from me."

"It's the size of the sun."

"Are you sure you're not exaggerating a tad there?"

"I'm not, trust me."

"Are you ready to go?"

She nodded. "Yeah." She turned to say goodbye to Tanith, saw her standing there grinning stupidly.

"Shut up!"

"What, I didn't say anything."

Valkyrie punched her arm then left with Skulduggery. They got into the Bentley and it roared to life. They pulled out from the tenement building and drove towards central Dublin. "So, what were you and Tanith talking about?" Skulduggery asked.

"Nothing much." Valkyrie replied and he tilted his head towards her.

He could always tell when she was lying.


	4. Stubborn

**Hello my wonderful readers,**

 **I have another chapter! I wrote this a while ago, and found it today, so decided to edit it and see what happens... Well, this did.**

 ***For any World As We Don't Know It readers***

 **I will update soon! I know it's been ages, I've just had a bit of writer's block with this particular chapter. I'll try my hardest to get it up tonight, so keep an eye out!**

 **Okay, that's that. Alrighty, hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!**

 **Love, Cait x**

* * *

The explosion caught Valkyrie and threw her against the brick wall and she hit the ground with a sickening thud. Skulduggery watched his partner fall, and time seemed to freeze. He moved almost in slow motion, sprinting as fast as he could – but it wasn't fast enough.

He watched carefully as her head hit the wall, her skull cracking into it, her eyes flickering; closed, open, closed, and open.

Skulduggery finally reached her and knelt by her side, oblivious to the numerous enemies around him. He carefully raised her head from the ground, sat her up against the wall. When he took his hand away he saw that blood stained his glove.

Valkyrie blinked at him.

"Skulduggery," she whispered.

He leaned in.

"Skulduggery," she whispered again.

"Valkyrie? Can you hear me?"

"Well I'm not deaf."

He chuckled despite himself. "No, you're not."

"I don't feel too good. I think I might pass out."

"You have a pretty bad head injury."

"Or I might die."

"No you won't."

"Why not?"

"Because I won't let you."

"You're not in charge of me."

"You should listen to authority figures more."

"You're not an authority figure."

"You should respect your elders."

"You do realise you technically called yourself an old man, right?"

"Shut up. Also, I am an authority figure."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"Shut up. I'm dying, remember?"

"Right."

"Now, for my funeral-"

"You're not having a funeral."

She looked pissed off. "What? Skulduggery, I'm expecting grandeur, elegance and… and all togeth-"

"Valkyrie," he said. "You're not getting a funeral because you're not going to die."

"Not this again…"

"We're leaving now." He went to lift her, but as soon as he touched her side she screamed in pain. Moving quickly, he pulled back her jacket and tore up the side of her shirt. Underneath, her side was black and blue, and covered in blood. He only froze, however, when he saw where the blood was coming from.

A piece of splintered bone tore through the skin at her ribcage.

"Valkyrie, when did-"

"I told you."

"Told me what?"

"I told you I was going to die. Now-"

"Valk-"

"Now," she said louder, "don't you dare wear black to my funeral. You're wearing the navy pinstripe, okay?" Valkyrie smiled at him warmly. "It's my favourite. It suits you."

He ignored her. "Hold on," he said. "This is going to be _really, really_ sore." He stood, held his hands out, and Valkyrie slowly rose from the ground. She screamed again.

"You know, sometimes I love you to death," she managed. "But other times I want to kill you."

"I know," he said softly. "Concentrate on the nice feelings."

"Okay," she replied.

Moving as fast as he could, he moved her to the Bentley, which was parked at the end of the wrecked street. He nearly wrenched the door off its hinges and carefully laid her across the back seat. Then Skulduggery got in the driver's seat and floored it.

"So now," Skulduggery asked. "Do you love me or hate me?"

"Love."

"And why is that?"

"I'm about to die, I may as well be nice to you."

Skulduggery chuckled and Valkyrie grunted.

"Trust me to be killed by… By a rib. It's a stupid way to die."

"I already told you-"

"Skulduggery Pleasant, shut up. Now. I need to give a dramatic speech." She gasped. "You and I have known each other for a long time," she grunted. "You're my best friend. I'd like to say I'd be okay with you moving on, but… Quite frankly I'm not."

"Valkyrie-"

"You'd better cry," she said. "Because obviously I'm the most important thing in your life."

 _Oh, if only she knew._

"…and you have to use that photo of us at the beach to remember me by."

"Valkyrie," he said. "Will you…" He glanced round, and saw her eyes closed. She saw her chest rise and fall, though, so he sped up.

He made it to the sanctuary and turned.

Valkyrie lay motionless, her eyes closed. _Not breathing_. Skulduggery flung open the door, ran to the back of the car and grabbed Valkyrie. He shook her shoulders, but she didn't respond, and Skulduggery felt something tear inside him. He took her in his arms and sprinted through the doors. Heads turned at Valkyrie's bruises and the blood splattered over her. People dodged out of the way as Skulduggery bolted through the corridors. He burst through into the medical bay and Synecdoche looked up at the bang that the doors made. As soon as she saw Valkyrie she paled, then hurried over with a terrified look on her face.

"What happened?"

"We were fighting," Skulduggery said, struggling to keep his voice low and calm, "and then she got thrown into a wall."

"Is it just her head?"

"No." He let Valkyrie's jacket fall and Synecdoche went even more pale, if that were possible.

"Lay her on the table," she said hurriedly, whilst she cleared tools and various clipboards from the desk. He gently placed his partner down. "How much has she moved around?"

"I don't know. That didn't happen when she hit the wall - that was from before. She could have been moving for… I don't know, somewhere between ten and forty minutes."

Synecdoche removed Valkyrie's jacket and top, revealing her ruined torso. Bruises and cuts ran up the left side of her, and the skin was torn around the place where the splintered bone was sticking out. The doctor's hands started glowing and she hovered them a few inches above Valkyrie and moved them up and down the length of her. "Shit," Synecdoche muttered, almost inaudibly, but Skulduggery could hear. She looked up at him. "Sorry, that wasn't-"

"Valkyrie?"

"I, uh… Well, we have a big problem."

"Fixable?"

"Uh-"

"What is it?" he asked quickly.

"The, um, the piece of bone… It's… It's pierced her heart."

"No."

"I'm sorry, but she's already-"

"I said no."

"I can't fix-"

"Do whatever it takes."

"Mr Pleasant, you're not-"

"Whatever it takes, Synecdoche."

"Detective, I'm so sorry, there's nothing I ca-"

"Just fix it. Fix it now. I'll do anything, just fix it. Please, I beg of-"

"SKULDUGGERY," Synecdoche yelled, and Skulduggery shut up. "Sorry," she said quietly. "Valkyrie is basically dead already. There is quite literally a bone sticking into her heart. It's already stopped beating."

"But-"

"I'm so sorry. Believe me, if I could do anything at all, it'd already be done."

Skulduggery stared at Valkyrie and didn't reply. He heard Synecdoche quietly leave and stepped over to her. She lay there, not moving, not breathing. Not doing anything.

He titled his head, and folded over her jacket. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She always did that. She'd probably appreciate it.

 _Yeah, she'll be thrilled._

He straightened his own tie, angled his hat, and adjusted his cufflinks. He looked down at Valkyrie. Despite it all, she was smiling slightly. He wasn't.

Skulduggery Pleasant sank to his knees beside his partner.


	5. Surprise

Valkyrie woke to a crash coming from downstairs, followed by a string of curse words. She sat bolt upright, was about to jump out of bed when she heard more cursing, in a familiar voice. She relaxed, then frowned, and stood. Valkyrie grabbed her dressing gown and wrapped it around herself, then yanked the door open and walked downstairs. She entered the kitchen.

"Hi," she said, eyebrow raised. She leaned against the doorframe as Skulduggery Pleasant turned, clad in a navy suit and hat. He looked good, as always.

"You're awake," he said. She nodded and smiled, and he paused. "Hello."

"Hi. What are you doing?"

He tilted his head. "Nothing."

"Whatever it is, it's noisy."

"Apologies. Did I get you up?"

Valkyrie sighed. "Just there," she replied, walking through to the dining room in her uncle's ridiculously big house. "You must have dropped something."

"It was Fletcher, actually."

Valkyrie groaned. "He's here?"

"He was here. I told him to go away or I would shoot him."

"You're mean," she laughed.

"I do what has to be done," he responded.

She pulled up a chair, and sat. He came over and leaned on the table. She smiled up at him. "So," she said. "What you making?"

"Food."

"I know that, you goon. What food are you making?"

"That my dear," Skulduggery said. "Is what you may call a surprise."

Valkyrie blushed. She looked at him for a moment, then scowled. "I hate surprises," she snapped half-heartedly.

"Which is why I don't provide them often. You can be quite scary when you want to be."

She smirked. "What's the occasion?"

Skulduggery tilted his head. He didn't say anything, and few seconds passed.

Valkyrie's smirk dropped, replaced with a confused frown. "Am I missing something?"

He leaned in, and whispered in her ear, "Happy Birthday," before walking out.

She jumped up, grinning. "I forgot," she said, incredulously. She paused, pressing her fingers to the spot that his teeth had brushed her skin. She shuddered, and shook her head.

"Impossible," Skulduggery called from the kitchen, making her snap out of it. "You've not stopped blabbing about it for the last month."

"Week."

"Month."

She rolled her eyes, and walked back in. Skulduggery was standing in front of the stove. She started walking over, but couldn't get far. Her body hit an invisible barrier and her eyes bulged. "You can't lock me out of my own kitchen!"

"I can, and will," Skulduggery said. "It's a surprise."

Valkyrie glowered, but sighed. "So what are we doing after this?"

"Surprise."

"I hate you."

"I know."

"Do you know what the worst part is?"

"No."

"You hate surprises too."

"I've never denied it."

"Hypocrite."

Skulduggery chuckled. "It'll be worth it."

"It better be."

"Of course it will." The smirk radiated from his tone. "It's me we're talking about here."

She rolled her eyes again, then turned and sat back down in the dining room. "Hurry up," she yelled.

"Coming..." A few moments later Skulduggery emerged, holding a plate stacked with pancakes. In his other hand, he held a mug. He placed them down in front of her, and sat in the chair to her left.

They turned to face each other.

"Blueberry pancakes and black coffee - one sugar," he said smugly.

She grinned. "Wow. Looks... Amazing. Thanks."

"No problem," Skulduggery said.

Valkyrie turned to her plate, and tucked in. "This is so good! When did you learn to cook like this?"

"I didn't. It just happened. Another one of my natural talents."

Valkyrie looked at him, then went back to the food. She swallowed. "So when did you get here?"

"About an hour ago," he said. "I thought I'd arrive early."

"Wow," she said again. "You're... Wow."

"I know. I called your mother, by the way."

"Oh?"

"I told her you'd come over tomorrow."

"Great, thanks."

"Think nothing of it," he said. "But..."

"But...?"

"I'm being a brilliant friend."

"Yup, you are. So am I, as always."

"Indeed."

"So what do you want?"

They laughed. Valkyrie took another mouthful of her pancakes. "Seriously, Skulduggery, these are awesome. I should have a birthday more often. I'm thinking like... Once a week?"

"But then I would have to be nice to you all the time."

"Nah, not really. You just have to cook."

"Oh good," Skulduggery muttered.

She turned back to her food. A few mouthfuls later, she looked around again. "What?" she asked. Skulduggery was watching her, head cocked to the right.

"Nothing," he said. Valkyrie arched an eyebrow and he straightened his head. "Nothing," he repeated.

"Fine," she smirked, and resumed eating.

Twenty minutes later she had finished the food and was dressed, in jeans and a top - the spaghetti strap that Stephanie had bought all those years ago - and her black jacket. She grabbed her phone from the table in the hall and walked into the living room. Skulduggery looked up.

"You look nice," he commented.

"Why thank you," she replied, twirling round in a circle. Valkyrie grinned and went to the armchair he was sitting in and perched on the edge. "So what are we doing today, then? Will you tell me now?"

"No," he said. "I'm afraid we're going to have to delay. I got a call, China wants us at a meeting."

She frowned. "What about?"

"Meeting with a few grand mages to talk about the treaty... You know how it is."

"Yeah," Valkyrie said. "Yeah, okay."

"Sorry," Skulduggery said, standing.

"Will I change into my work clothes, or...?"

"Not unless you especially want to," he said. "We'll go straight from the meeting."

"Cool," she said, smiling. "When do we leave?"

"Soon. I really am sorry about this."

Valkyrie smiled. "It's fine," she said. Valkyrie hesitated.

He was looking at her, and although he didn't have a face he looked... sad. "Seriously," she said. "It's cool."

She stood and he did the same, and she was about to walk out when a thought came to her.

She pushed down all the doubts, and walked up to him and pressed her lips to his teeth. Skulduggery stiffened, then activated his facade and kissed her back. Valkyrie smiled against his lips, and just as he was about to put his hand on her waist, she pulled away. She saw the slightly dazed expression on his face, and smiled slowly. "Surprise," she said.


	6. Busy

Valkyrie and Skulduggery were on the couch. Skulduggery was reading over a case and Valkyrie was pretending to be busy. She wasn't. She was doodling instead.

"It just doesn't make sense," he muttered, turning a page over.

She glanced up at him, and smiled, resting her jaw on his shoulder.

"You'll get it," she said. "You always do."

He looked down at her. "You could help. What are you doing anyway?"

She sighed. "Doodling."

"Can I see?"

Valkyrie sharply pulled the book into her chest. "No," she snapped. "It's not finished."

Skulduggery laughed and went back to reading. Valkyrie removed her chin from his shoulder and went back to doodling. She paused, then wrote something. Valkyrie placed the book down onto her lap, and the pencil onto the coffee table.

"Hey," she said. "I'm going on a-"

Skulduggery's head snapped round. "I've got it," he said.

"Got what?"

"I've figured it out. Just there. I know, I know, I'm-"

"I can't go out tonight," she told him. "Tan and I are celebrating. She's moving into her new place today."

"I know she is," Skulduggery said. "But she's over ninety years old, she can celebrate herself."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"But I need you with me," he said.

Valkyrie paused, and took a breath. "Tough."

Skulduggery groaned. "Fine," he grumbled. "But tomorrow-"

"Can't do tomorrow either."

"Oh?"

She sighed. "I know. China's party. She wants to buy the decorations herself because apparently Tipstaff's useless at that kind of thing and she wants me to go with her."

"And you said yes?"

"It's China! She's scary."

Skulduggery tilted his head.

"And she's really, really pretty but that's besides the point."

He chuckled. "Ok, whatever. But on-"

"On Wednesday I'm babysitting for mum and dad - you can come if you want - and on Thursday I'm going on a date, which is what I was going to tell you before you interrupted with your brilliance."

"I am brilliant."

"Right."

There was a pause.

"Who's your date with?" Skulduggery asked.

Valkyrie smirked. "Scapegrace."

Skulduggery recoiled - actually recoiled - and stared at her.

"Okay," she said, laughing, "that part was a joke. But I am going on a date."

"With who?"

"Why d'you want to know?"

He paused. "Just asking," he responded slowly.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she smiled. Valkyrie went to get up but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. Her smile widened.

"So...?" he asked.

"You wouldn't know him. I don't think so anyway."

"Try me."

"Okay... So, he's not... like other guys, you know?"

"On second thoughts..."

She leaned back and lay her head on his shoulder, looking forward. She sighed. "He really is different. He's pretty annoying, and his ego's the size of the sun, but I'll tell you a secret."

"And what's that?"

"I kind of like it. He's stylish - always looks really good - and he's funny. He's brave, and obnoxious but to me he's... a hero. Everyone else seems to hate him, but... I like him. I think he likes me too."

"That's lovely," Skulduggery muttered. "And where are you going on this date?"

"Well," she responded, turning round to face him. "He's going to pick me up after work and we're going to go for food - if he knows me like I think he does he'll know where to go. Then we're going to sit at the edge of the pier and talk about things that aren't to do with work or magic. He's going to offer me coat when it gets dark - like he always does - and I'll know that's my cue to kiss him because I haven't stopped thinking about it for years. Even back when I was dating Fletcher."

"And this is your first date?"

Valkyrie laughed and was about to respond when the doorbell rand. "That'll be Tan now," she said, standing. "I'll see you-"

Skulduggery also stood, blocking her exit. "I didn't get a name," he said.

She nodded down at the book and Skulduggery hesitated, then bent down and picked it up. He turned it over, and read the name written there. Valkyrie watched him as he put the book back down and tilted his head.

They stood like that, for a moment, and then Skulduggery the symbols etched into his collarbones and she grinned. He put an arm around her waist and pulled her in and then he kissed her and Valkyrie kissed him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his hold on her waist tightened.

And then the doorbell rang again and she moved, swapping their positions so her back was in the direction of the hall. She pulled back, out of breath. "I... Uh... I have to go," she managed, trying her best to pull herelf together and get her brain back in gear. She started walking to the arch and then turned and tapped the symbols on his collarbones, watching as Skulduggery's façade flowed away, revealing the skeleton beneath. Valkyrie kissed him, and smiled against his teeth. Then she pulled back.

"I'll see you Thursday," she smirked.

xXx

REVIEWS!

thefinalpage19: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying!

shannonlouisehoughton2003: Glad you like! And I know, I'm mean ;)

Snowfrost: Hi! Hahaha :D New World As We Don't Know It soon, I promise... More Disharmony feels with it :)


	7. Random Is Good

Skulduggery walked into of the room and Valkyrie stared.

"What do you think?" he asked, smiling. Yes, smiling.

"Woah," she said. She walked over to him and looked him up and down.

Skin. Muscles. Flesh. Muscles. Eyes. Ears. Muscles. Bones – hidden by the afore mentioned. And no façade this time either.

Once. Twice. Three ti-

"Are you going to keep doing that?"

"Sorry." She stepped back, kept her eyes on his. They were grey. He had a strong jaw, the same as before. High cheekbones, again the same. He had dark hair, almost the same shade as hers, and his skin was pale Olive toned. "Was this you?"

"No," Skulduggery replied.

"No?"

"No. It wouldn't be… It isn't me anymore. It's difficult to explain, I-"

"I get it," she said quietly. "Yeah, I know. Any inspiration or…?"

"Nothing. I told Nye to make it random. Entirely his-"

"It's."

"Entirely it's choice. So…?"

"Random is good."

"So you like it?"

Valkyrie looked at him. "Random is good," she repeated.


End file.
